Hello is anyone out there??? Minutes seconds, on to infinity

I want to be infinite. Today is January 5th 2012. I still have the need to leave this place. It is the gypsy in me. I want to live in the clouds float and have not worries but, everyone has the same worries why should I be any different. So many mistakes so much to repair. I cannot take it on anymore. I feel sorry for everyone me, my son, my daughter, why is this happening so much trouble. My friends they are so glad to be alive I am not. I want out. Why did GOD decide to let me live like this in poverty and desperation??? I really did not want attention I wanted to die. I still want to die. Go bite my ass life it sucks. No I do  not want to be indinite I want go pass on and be forgotten by everyone leave me alone forget me

LIVING IN A FAIRY TALE I DID NOT KNOW I LIVED IN

HOW TO START.. THIS IS NOVEMBER 7TH 2011 AND I JUST REALIZED WITH THE HELP OF A VERY QUIRKY, LOVELY, FUNNY AND DEAR PERSON. (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) ANY WAY SHE CAME TO VISIT ME TODAY. NOW, I MUST MAKE THIS CLEAR I DO LIVE WITH TWO FAIRY TALE ENTITIES THAT MY FRIEND POINTED OUT TO MR ARE "LADY" AND "THE TRAMP. LET ME EXPLAIN I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL AND I MEAN COVER GIRL COCKER SPAINEL AND THEN I HAVE THIS LITTLE SCRUFFY CAVALIER YORKIE. HE WOULD BE CROCODILE DUNDEE IN REAL LIFE AND SHE WOULD BE MARILYN MONROE THEIR NAMES RESPECTFULLY ARE BETTELOU AND BOUVIER. I HAVE TO SAY THAT MY FRIEND AND I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE A VIDEO STARRING THESE TWO UNUSUAL CREATURES. THEY TRULY ARE  THE VERY IMAGE  THAT CONJURES UP IN YOUR MIND LADY AND THE TRAMP.  THESE TWO RAISING STARS ARE ALSO LIFE PARTNERS EVEN THOUGH THE BITCH IS A COUGAR!!  THE TRAMP ALWAYS LOOKS WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING I CAN'T FIGURE OUT IF MAYBE IT IS THE AGE DIFFERENCE. BETTELOU PRETTY MUCH IS YOUR TYPICAL LOVING BOMBSHELL WHO CAN MELT YOU WITH THOSE EYES!! BOUVIER TRIES LIKE HELL TO BE "THE MAN" BUT WE ALL KNOW WHO IS BOSS. HE GIVES UP HIS BONES TO HER, HE FOLLOWS HER EVERY WHERE HE IS CLEARLY SMITTEN JUST LIKE THE MOVIE. SO I JUST HAVE TO SAY THANK YOU TO GOD FOR ALLOWING ME TO LIVE IN THIS FAIRY TALE!!

HOW MUCH TIME DO WE REALLY HAVE

I CANNOT FIGURE IT OUT, ONE DAY WE WALK , WE TALK, WE CRY, WE WORK, WE LIVE.,WE LAUGH .I HAVE BEEN SO FORTUNATE  TO SEE MIRACLES IN ACTION. THE MOST RECENT WAS SO CLOSE AND SO SURREAL I STILL HAVE TO SMILE AND BELIEVE IN THE "MIRACLE". MY BEST FRIENDS HUSBAND WAS BASICALLY TOLD IN JANURARY 2011 "TO GO HOME AND PUT THINGS IN ORDER". THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION OF HIS STORY, IT IS NOW AUGUST 24TH 2011 AND HE IS CANCER FREE, YESTERDAY A GREAT PERSON AND A DEAR FREIND WAS HIT ON HIS MOTORCYCLE AND IS IN A COMA. I MOURN FOR HIM AND HIS FAMILY CAN I SEE ANOTHER MIRACLE? GOD I AM TAKLING TO YOU NOW DO YOU REMEMBER 30 YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS SO CLOSE, AND YOU CAME TO ME AND SURROUNDED ME WITH YOUR LOVE?? OF COURSE YOU REMEMBER AND YOU SAVED MY LIFE. AND NOW WHEN I LAY MY HEAD DOWN IT IS ALWAYS ON YOUR SHOULDER, AND SOMETIMES YOUR SHOULDER IS WET FROM MY TEARS. THEN THERE  ARE THE MOMENTS OF SILENCE WHEN YOU MAKE ME LISTEN AND I KNOW,I JUST KNOW.

ESCAPING THE REAL

IT IS REALLY TRUE I WILL DIE. I WILL LIVE UNTIL I DIE. THAT IS FACT BUT, NOW I WANT TO ESCAPE THE REAL. IT IS DARK WANTING TO ESCAPE THE REAL IS SO DARK. WHERE AM I . I CANNOT TURN ON THE LIGHT IT IS ALWAYS SO DARK. I WANT TO SEE LIGHT. I WILL GO AND THERE WILL BE DARK AND LIGHT. IT IS CRAZY I AM CRAZY AS A LOON . WHAT IS A LOON. I AM OUTSIDE LOOKING INTO A PIT OF DARKNESS. AWWW VBUT THERE IS A LIGHT IN THE DISTANCE. IT SHINES SO BRIGHT IT MAKES ME NOT SEE THE DARKNESS ANYMORE. I WILL FOLLOW THIS LIGHT OF HOPE.

THIS DAY CAME THIS DAY WENT TOMORROW IS STILL MY FUTURE

I WANT TO SAY I LIVE FOR THE DAY. CARPE DIEM QUAM MININIMUN CREDULA POSTERO. SIEZE THE DAY TRUSTING AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE IN THE FUTURE. I AM NOT SURE THIS IS POSSIBLE WITH A MOUNTING SENSE OF LOSS. HOW CAN YOU NOT TRUST THE FUTURE. IT IS WHAT WE HAVE THAT WE CAN LOOK FORWARD TO. I DO HOWEVER WANT TO SEIZE THE DAY EVERYDAY. I WANT ADVENTURE BACK AND I NO LONGER KNOW WHERE TO FIND IT. SOMETHINGS MAKE ME HAPPY FOR A SHORT TIME THEN I SEARCH MORE. I KNOW LIFE IS ABOUT CHANGES I JUST WANT THE CHOICE TO MAKE THE CHANGES WITHOUT BEING SAD OR ANGRY THAT I HAVE TO. I WONDER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT I AM NOT SPECIAL OR DIFFERENT YET I AM NOT CONNECTED. SIEZE THE DAY THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND STRIVE TO ACHIEVE. THERE IS NO THOUGHTS OF THE PAST NO REGRETS, I AM WHO AM BECAUSE I LIVED THIS LIFE HERE AND NOW. MY BELIEF IN GOD DOES NOT CHANGE ANYMORE. HE IS MY SAVIOUR, MY FRIEND AND THE HAND THAT LEADS ME HOME.

TIME ON MY HANDS NO CLOCKS ON THE WALL

I WONDER EVERYDAY HOW TIME HAS PASSED SO QUICKLY. IT SEEMS THAT I SHOULD STILL BE RIDING MY BIKE WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS IN THAT LITTLE TOWN. I HAVE BEEN SO MANY PLACES AND DONE SO MANY THINGS YET, IT SEEMS I HAVE DONE NOTHING. MY LIFE HAS BEEN SUCH AN ADVENTURE BUT, I HAVE SUCH A BIG BUCKET LIST AND I AM NOT THAT LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE. WILL I HAVE TIME ON MY HANDS TO FINISH THE LIST. SOMETIMES I WEAR TWO WATCHES ONE ON EACH WRIST AND I TELL MYSELF IT IS BECAUSE I WANT MORE TIME ON MY HANDS! SO MUCH TO DO SO MUCH TO SEE SO MANY PEOPLE I WANT TO LOVE. WHEN DO WE STOP WANTING TO DO MORE? EVERYTIME I REACH A DREAM I FIND ANOTHER ONE TO PURSUE. THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT. IT IS NOT MONEY, MATERIAL THINGS OR SELFISH GOALS. IT IS ABOUT CATCHING THAT RAINBOW AND NOT LETTING GO. NO REGRETS I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR. MY OWN ORIGINAL QUOTE "IF WISHES WERE RAINBOWS THE SKY WOULD BE FULL OF COLOR.

GOING UP COMING DOWN GETTING BETTER EVERY DAY

IT IS 5AM AND I WOKE UP AT 3AM. I KNOW I CANNOT SLEEP I WILL STAY AWAKE UNTIL THE SUN COMES UP. I SHOULD BE HAPPY TO SEE ANOTHER DAY. I WANT TO SMOKE A CIGARETTE STAY AWAKE AND FORGET IT IS ANOTHER DAY.MY CAT "BOY" SLEEPS AT MY FEET HE WOULD KILL FOR ME IF HE COULD BUT, HE BITES ME EVERYDAY! MY DOG BETTELOU IS AT MY SIDE AND WOULD BE MY BODYGUARD IF SHE COULD BUT SHE CAN SAY I LOVE YOU AND TELLS ME EVERYDAY. I LOVE ANIMALS I WANT TO BE A TAME LION, BUT ONLY AS A PET LION.I HAVE A FRIEND WHO IS SO MUCH LIKE A PROTECTIVE LION SHE IS THE MOMMY I AM THE CUB. I WANT HER TO GET WELL, I CAN NOT IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT HER. SHE NUTURES ME, MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM WORTH LIVING. PLEASE GET BETTER MY DEAR FRIEND. THIS BLOG IS FOR YOU. I LOVE YOU TWAIN.